Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, February 13, 2003
Cletus says we need to fit out the BBQ Emporium with protective measures in case of a terrorist attack. Bubba asked if he really thought that a terrorist could get so hopelessly last as to be any where near here. I don't know if I have mentioned that we are not on the way to anywhere. If you find yourself here, it is because you are lost or you really want to be here. I think that is a good working definition for the "middle of nowhere'.

Anyway, Cletus thinks we should get us a bunch of food, water and a crank radio, whatever that is. Bubba says he thinks Cletus means windup radio. That still sounds a little odd to me. I told them that since we are a "restaurant' we usually have a store of food and that I thought that the government was talking about preparing to stay in your home for a few days. Of course, Cletus thinks the Emporium is his home.

Bubba asked Cletus what he intended to do for his ladyfriend Mary Ruth since tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Cletus said they were going shooting in the morning and maybe fishing in the afternoon followed by a good supper of BBQ, sweet tea and pecan pie at the Emporium and that he was checking to see if there was a monster truck show close enough to drive to after supper. If not, they may just stay home and watch Clint Eastwood movies.

Bubba said that sounded like an unusual way to spend Valentine's Day. Cletus said he agreed but Mary Ruth promised that next year they will do what he wants to do.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Have you seen how much the Axis of Weevil has grown? Cletus is having trouble with the daily increases since he doesn't handle big numbers and change well. He does say that we should be welcoming of all the new people since the average writing quality of the Axis was down so much since Mr. Terry let us in and he needed new people to get it back up. He says he would add them to the links over to the left if I would let him on the Blog again but since he messed up the last ones he did I don't know.

It's cold here this morning. Must be down around freezing! Cletus is having to hang around here because he says it is too cold to go out in the woods and besides, if the ground should thaw while he is off road the old F250 might be stuck until Spring. Cletus is thinking about buying a new truck. He says he needs something more fitting to his new image as an up and coming political mover. Bubba suggested that an old, beat up White Freightliner was a right good match for Cletus in the image department. Sounds about right to me.

Monday, February 10, 2003
Mizz Gore wrote that Cletus had put and extra one of those slash things on some of our links so I went in and fixed it. It wasn't that hard. Maybe Cletus is not as smart as he lets on when it comes to this information technology stuff. Many thanks to Mizz Gore.

Fred Reed writes about people who can't write. Cletus says he may be talking about me. I told him that I almost always get the noun and verb to agree and know the difference in you're and your nine times out of ten. Two, to, too and their, they're and there give me fits but persevere we shall or will or whatever. Don't cha just love how I slip that modern idiom in there?

I have read most of the books Mr. Reed writes about but that "Lord of the Rings" thing is thicker than a slab of babyback ribs. I think I'll wait for the movie.

Cletus came in this morning and announced that although he had meant to pay off his BBQ Emporium tab, it looked like he would have to let it slide until times got better. I asked him what the problem is this month and he said it was the price of gas. The old F250 is not noted for its high gas mileage and it has a real big tank and Cletus didn't fill it up a couple of weeks ago when the price was about $1.40 and now it is $1.60. He was running on fumes and had to fill it up and it took all his money. That's the story anyway. It is as least as good as what he usually comes up with as an excuse for not paying. He says it makes one wonder (He's started talking like that since he started his political career) how the price can jump over 10% overnight. Bubba says it is because the owners of the filling stations are anticipating the rise in price for when they buy their next 10,000 gallons. Cletus asked him why they never anticipated decreases. Bubba said that was just good business. Cletus asked Bubba if he had secretly bought himself a gas station. They both decided that the discussion was deserving of a piece of pecan pie.

At least one of my two readers is probably wondering about all the talk about pecan pie. In the Southern food group pyramid, pecan pie is just above hushpuppies followed by barbeque, catfish and various fried vegetables. Bubba says he has been looking for the perfect Southern food and has decided it is either battered and fried cheese or porkrinds, each of which is deep-fat fried fat.

As Cletus and Bubba were eating their first piece of pie, I made a new price tag up and raised the price of pecan pie in anticipation of an increase in the price of pecans and Karo syrup.