Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, March 27, 2003
Bubba is afraid that from the story that I told about him yesterday, I may have led people to think that he is against people demonstrating for what they believe . He wants me to tell you that nothing could be farther from his real opinions. He is all in favor of people standing up for what they believe. He does think that it is a good idea to avoid destroying other people's property or trampling on their rights as you exercise yours. He says that he is also having a hard time understanding how inconveniencing or insulting someone helps them to undertand your viewpoint. As Forrest Gump says "Stupid is as stupid does".

Cletus and Bubba have just learned that one of their nieces is leaving for Kuwait today. She joined the Army reserve last year along with her younger brother and is now on her way to war. She is 21 and the mother of an 18 month old. It is amazing how many people we know in the military considering how big the country is and how few people are in the military.

We are still working on the perfest pecan pie recipe to post here. Cletus says to just go on and post the one I use even though he doesn't think my pie is the best he has ever eaten. I told him I should get extra points since he gets mine for free. He says it is not free because he plans to pay his tab as soon as economic conditions improve. Bubba asked him to explain how anything was wrong with his economic conditions since he works whenever he wants to and the BBQ Emporium's woodpile is really shrinking fast. Cletus says that he is still working on the F250 and will be out hauling wood any day now. We're waiting. Miracles could happen.

Cletus' girlfriend, Mary Ruth, has been slipping references to his campaign into her weekly column for the local paper. It is usally some thing such as: "Cletus Jones, who is being spoken of as the leading candidate for District 2 Commissioner, was seen dining at Billy Joe Bob's BBQ on Wednesday evening. He was accompanied by several supporters." Bubba says the several supporters were obviously his belt and shoes or maybe he has suspenders under his shirt. Cletus says he thinks his campaign is really beginning to take off. He is asked several times a day if he can pave someone's driveway once he is elected. Bubba says he will bring him cookie when lands in jail for doing something stupid. Elroy says he has the "cookie code" for East Limestone since he has a buddy who does prison ministeries and that Cletus can forget about any pecan pie since the sugar could be used to make illegal whiskey. That really set the old Emporium rocking since we all remember how "successful" Cletus was in his distilled spirits venture.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003
We haven’t done any blogging about the war from the BBQ Emporium. It’s not that the war doesn’t concern us. It does. In fact, we know people who are in the war and we worry about them. Cletus says this reminds him of when we were young men and the war in Vietnam was going on.

Bubba is a couple of years older than Cletus and was drafted in 1968. He ended up in the Infantry and by early 1969 he was in Vietnam doing patrols through the jungle carrying an M60 machine gun. Bubba was always a large man, even in his 20s, and the M60 is a big gun so they were a good match. Cletus being a few years younger was drafted about the time Bubba landed in VN. Bubba quickly got good at his job and he says it became clear real soon that your chances of survival increased as you became familiar with combat and the conditions in Vietnam.

Bubba spent about six months in the Infantry before he got the chance to extend his tour in exchange for a transfer to an Army aviation company where he became a helicopter door gunner. Now there are a lot of people who will tell you that just proves that there is not a lick of sense in the whole Jones family. Probably the least safe job in Vietnam was any that involved flying helicopters. Bubba just laughs and says that it beat walking and he didn’t have to carry his machine gun either. One of the reasons he extended his tour was to keep Cletus out of Vietnam. The rule at the time was siblings would not be involuntarily sent to VN at the same time. Bubba and Cletus may fight and argue a lot, but Bubba has always felt responsible for taking care of his “little” brother.

So Bubba had a tour of 18 months in Vietnam. He says he ended up killing a lot of people in that time and he has always been sorry that he had to do that. The young men he killed were much like him, just fighting because someone told them to. Bubba says he would like to be able to say that he was fighting for democracy or the American way or freedom and he guesses he was, but as a 21 year old, he was just fighting for his buddies and to stay alive. So he regrets having to kill the people he did, but at the time, he had no choice that he could see.

Bubba says he regrets killing all those people but there is one person he regrets not killing. After almost 18 months in daily combat, he came back to the United States in 1971 and mustered out at Oakland. He rode a bus over to San Francisco to catch a plane back to Alabama. By the time he got to the airport, he was bone-weary tired. He had been up close to 48 hours and had spent half that time on airplanes. All he wanted to do was to sit down and sleep. As he walked through the airport, a longhaired hippie type walked up to him, called him a baby killer and spat on him. Bubba says he stood there thinking about killing the feller, but he was just too tired. It wasn’t that he would have needed any weapon other than his own two hands. He was just too tired.

He is still aggravated. Bubba says that he thinks anyone has the right to protest the war and demonstrate as long as that is all they do. If he hears about anyone spitting on any soldier, he may take the opportunity to undo his mistake from 30 years ago.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Cletus came in this morning and let me tell you, he is not happy. He has been over visiting his Great Aunt who is about 90 and she showed him the local biweekly paper that showed a proposed Interstate highway going through the old hometown. Cletus says there is a map and it shows the road going rightdown the middle of the ridge we all live on. We have all heard about the highway and some feel that it will be a good thing. It will make the drive into Huntsville much easier and since most of us living around here have to go to Huntsville to work, it will be a real boon. So what's Cletus so upset? well he says it will change the whole nature of our town and the next thing we know, we'll be just another suburb. Bubba said he thought we were a little too far out to be a suburb, but Cletus said that was only because you can't go in a straight line and with the new highway, it would be just and skip and hop over to Huntsville and the next thing you know, we'll have all kinds of new people living here and a man won't be able to drive down the street at his own pace without some stranger honking at him.

Bubba pointed out that the only real difference would be the stranger part since people who know Cletus think he putters about a little too much. Cletus said he thinks he has found the key to his campaign. He will fight the new highway. Bubba said that he doubted that would be real popular or productive since the highway will be going from Memphis to Atlanta and we are only a small town that might get an interchange and besides, most people think it will be a real boon to the town. Cletus said that was because no one had bothered to educate the voters about the downside to the highway.

Elroy had been listening to the discussion. He kind of ended it when he pointed out that the news article said it would be at least twenty years before the highway was built. It's awfully hard to get people excited about what is happening today. Forget about twenty years from now. Cletus got a hangdog look.

I guess he will have to find something else to campaign on. Bubba suggested honesty in the County's business practices, but Cletus says he thinks that will be too hard. We'll see.

Cletus' new truck is working real well It gets him down here each morning and home at night. I am still waiting for it to haul some wood. The weather has been really good, but now Cletus says his hayfever is acting up. Funny, it doesn't keep him from eating.

Monday, March 24, 2003
Cletus just read this over at Mr. Possum's digs. $1448.49 for repairs. He could of gotten the old F250 repaired for that kind of money. James Earl had all the parts but Cletus wasn't up to all the work and besides the electric coop sold him the new F250 for a lot less than that. Notice I said that Cletus just read Mr. Possum's Friday post. Cletus really eases off from his torrid pace on weekends. He doesn't even read Blogs on weekends since that is his relaxation time. Bubba says it is hard to tell Cletus' relaxation from his full speed working.

We had a really nice weekend with the temperatures climbing in to the 70s. The fruit trees are in bloom and hayfever is getting hold of many of us. Looks like Spring is up on us. We may have another round of cold, but I don't think we'll get four feet of snow like Colorado.

Still working on the pecan pie recipes. Our English reader would like to make a pecan pie but apparently can't get either Karo or or pecans. Any ideas?