Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, April 03, 2003
Cletus has run out of excuses for not working and is out hauling in wood. He griped a lot about getting his new truck dirty and how he was still kind of stiff from the winter and all kinds of other reasons he really shouldn't be out there working, but the idea of there not being any BBQ to eat finally got to him. It has been real quiet since he left but I am sure he will be back after he hauls one load.

The new F250 is really running good. The electric coop broke it in good and Cletus says it is about the best he has ever owned. Since it has all its parts, I have to agree with him on that.

Spring has sprung here in North Alabama along with a lot of hayfever. The local Walmart sells hayfever medicines by the truckload.

Bubba says we need to paint the outside of the BBQ Emporium. He says the mint green concrete blocks don't convey a good image. I told him I thought there was a law that said BBQ joints had to be concrete block and painted green. Elroy says he thinks pink or orange are also legal. I don't see anything wrong with the paint as it is, but Bubba thinks that since the community is growing and new people are moving in, we need to present a better face.

Cletus has a story for you about transportation issues involving distilled spirits. He'll type it up after he finishes with his wood gathering.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003
I was out yesterday and I just noticed that Cletus posted what he sees as an April Fool's Day joke. Take my word. Cletus is not a slim, trim chef type who worries about his appearance unless it is the time of his appearance at any meal. He also wouldn't recognize goat cheese if it walked up and bit him. Okay, I know that is a really mixed metaphor or some such writing term. We barely manage to get the words on the page , er screen, don't expect us to know any of the technical English terms.

Bubba was really hurt by the line about him not existing and is not talking to Cletus. Elroy thought the whole thing was pretty funny. He says all the boys down at the electric coop are thinking about coming in and having Cletus whip up one of his "mixed green salads with his special dressing". I think Cletus is a little bit sorry about writing it now.

Now I see Mr. Possum has linked to Cletus' little joke and now both our readers will see it. Doggone it.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003
I have a confession today. What you have been reading at this site is entirely fiction. There is no such place as the BBQ Emporium. I actually operate an upscale cafe that appeals to the ladies of the community. Ulysses (Cletus) and I are more compleat effetes than rednecks. Ulysses drives a hybrid car rather than an F250. In fact I would guess that he couldn't drive an F250 across the parking lot. He wouldn't touch pecan pie for anything since he is so concerned about his appearance. I have never been called anything other than Mr. Robert Joseph. The things we have written here are what we have heard around the community when we go to buy our ingredients which are fresh daily. Our herbs and spices come from our garden in front of the Market for the enjoyment of our ladies. The only pork served here is Ulysses' handrubbed pork roast.

Ulysses is the chef here at the Corner Market and Cafe and specializes in light, healthy cuisine. Today he is serving a grilled salmon with dill sauce, lightly sauteed vegetables and a mixed green salad with his own freshly prepared non-fat dressing. Dessert is fresh fruit salad with his special all natural yogurt dressing. He has whipped up a scrumptious pasta dish with mixed olives, lightly sauteed vegetables and bits of the goat cheeses he makes fresh daily. Ulysses has a selection of fine French wines for you enjoyment and he has his own label made to his exacting specifications in a vineyard near here. With apologies to Ms. Gore, nothing on our menu sells for $4.95 including Ulysses' all natural fruit flavored teas.

Bubba doesn't exist and Ulysses has been estranged from his Mother for years.

We apologize for misleading you.

From this day forward, we will only be reporting on the symphony, dinner theater and ballet, but we hope you will continue to visit with us.