Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Friday, October 17, 2003
Cletus loves a bargain. That's why he has to rent one of those storage places. His Mama told him that he couldn't put anymore of his junk in her barn and it sorely hurt his feelings having his valuable collection of stuff called junk so he up and moved it all over to U Stor-It place. I just bring that up so you can understand how upset he is by something that happened to him today. He went to the Hardee's cause he had one them dollar off coupons and he wanted to take advantage of it. Cletus would rather save a dollar on lunch than eat here and put it on his never paid tab at the regular price. He came back madder'n an old wet hen. Bubba asked him what the problem was and Cletus said they would only sell him one cheeseburger at the dollar off price even if his coupon did say he could get the bargain on four. Bubba asked who had gone with Cletus so that he needed four burgers. Cletus said he was by himself, but he still wanted the four burgers to take full advantage of the dollar off offer.

He is thinking about contacting his buddy B. Bob Willis about suing for his other three burgers. Bubba asked if he was talking about Billy Bob Willis who used to work down at Earl's Gulf. "Yep, he done become a lawyer".

That set everyone back in their chairs and quieted down all the talk for a while. It's hard to believe that old Billy Bob is a lawyer since the last we heard he still hadn't managed to pass his GED. Cletus says that B. Bob as he wants to be called, got his law degree through one of them www schools for only $5000 and all he has to do is pass the bar exam and he is a lawyer and how hard could a bar exam be for a guy of B. Bob's drinking talents.

Dang, I knew I should have been responding to those "get rich on the www" emails. I could have set up my own Internet law school by now.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Well, we seem to be back although Cletus is not looking too good what with having a sunburn. He and Mary Ruth spent way too much time out on the beach and now he is paying for it.

Cletus is going in to get a flu shot. He says he owes it to the elderly people he sees to protect himself from the flu cause it might kill one of them. He isn't worried about himself since he says he is in such good health that the flu wouldn't do more than slow him down for a day or so. Bubba says that would right interesting to see something move slower than Cletus already does.

Cletus is real excited by the new Ford pickup although it seems that they are only updating the F150. There hasn't been any mention of the F250, but Cletus says it can't be more than a few months behind the F150. Bubba said he has read that the new F150 will have 500 pounds more of road hugging weight so it may be as big as Cletus' old F250 . We'll just have to wait for the introduction which Cletus places right up there with finding out who the Dems will nominate for President. Elroy says he thinks he kind of likes that Dean feller but then he hasn't understood a thing he has heard him say. The only ones Elroy has understood have been Edwards and Bob Graham and in Graham's case, he wishes he hadn't understood. It looks like an interesting year ahead.

Cletus has been working on a story, but he refuses to let anyone see it so I don't know how close he is to finishing. He says it involves sex, intrigue and general all round excitement, but then he may be still upset by Elroy's story which was longer than any of his have been so you might just expect a long rambling story sort of like this sentence.

Mizz Sugarmama posted about bad grammar and spelling and we are smarting a bit since her post was probably aimed dead center at us. Cletus says we orta run this through a spell checker, but since we use our own set of words, so many pop up as not in the dictionary that it is discouraging and we need all the encouragement we can beg, borrow or steal.