Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Friday, November 14, 2003
Cletus said that the positive response to his werewolf story has made him decide to become a professional writer. Bubba said that since no more than about seven people read the story, it was doubtful that Cletus could make a living as a writer, but on the otherhand, if he continued to mooch his food from the BBQ Emporium and to live with his Mama or Mary Ruth, then he supposed he could make it with only seven readers.

Elroy asked what kind of writing Cletus proposed to do since the Halloween market is a little narrow. Cletus said he had always been partial to science fiction especially the time travel stories. He said that one of the earliest time travel stories was Mark Twain's "A Connecticutt Yankee in King Arther's Court" and he figured he could do as well are better with a story about an Alabama boy meeting up with George Washington and solving all his problems. Bubba asked him if the story was going to be titled "An Alabama Hillbilly in George Washington's Garden".

Now Cletus is pouting and when he pouts, he eats. Okay, he eats even when he is not pouting, but he definitely steps up the pace when he is upset.

Cletus says he'll show Elroy and Bubba just as soon as he finishes his pecan pie and figures out a good way to get the Alabaman back to the 18th Century.

I can barely wait.

Thursday, November 13, 2003
Cletus says he has been reading posts about the police drug raid on a high school up in South Carolina and the stories about the Principal reminded him of a story at our high school a few years after we graduated.

The school got a new principal who was of the opinion that hanging shirt tails were a sure sign of juvenile delinquency and so went on a crusade to eliminate all such hazards. He thought miniskirts were a real hazard, but that is another story.

Anyway, old Jerry Dale Kennemer had a bad habit of leaving his shirt out since he thought it was cooler. Jerry Dale was talking weather wise cool since the other kind was not something he strived for. One fine Fall day, Principal Colbert caught JD in the hallway with his shirt out. He whipped out his buck knife and cut the shirth tail off.

Now old Grady Kennemer was about the easiest going man around. None of us had ever seen him mad and it was quite a surprise when he he showed up at the school. He walked into the office all calm like and asked to see the Principal. Mizz Campbell, the secretary, said Mr. Colbert was busy and would mr. Kennemer like to make an appointment. Gardy sid no, he didn't have time fro an appointment, he just wanted a minute with Colbert and unless there was a student in the office he wanted it right then.

Mizz Campbell said Mr. Colbert was just doing paperwork, but didn't want to be disturbed. Grady said 'Fine, then I'll try not to disturb him" and with that he opened the door to the Principal's office.

Colbert looked up to see a smallish man in overalls who leaned over his desk and said. "Feller, my boy works real hard to buy his school clothes and he don't need no idiot cutting them with no knife. So don't do it again since he ain't got the money to buy new shirts."

Grady turned and walked to the door. He stopped and turned back to the Principal. "You know, it just makes me damned mad when I think about you going near my boy with a knife so I feel I ought to tell you that if you even speak to my boy again, I'll be obliged to kill you." With that he left.

Principal Colbert called the Sheriff and told his story. LP listened all polite like. When Colbert finished, he said. "Well, Mr. Colbert, I reckon you are lucky that Grady is such an easy going, reasonable person or else I reckon you would be dead. Was there anything else you would like to report?"

Principal Colbert never did get to understand us and he left after one year.

Cletus has been plumb tuckered out from writing his epic Halloween story. Bubba says that's because it is the most work he has done all year. If blogs were paper rather than electrons, Cletus would have destroyed more trees with that story than through his woodcutting business.

We have been doing this for almost a year now. The total of this drivel is nearing 200 single spaced pages which Elroy points out is a lot of smelly stuff.

Some folks seem to enjoy it so I guess that it is worth something. I have noticed that there are times when it is really hard to sit down and write anything and the past two weeks have been like that. Cletus says he will try to pick up the pace, but how can he be expected to write when even his idol is working too hard to post.

Thanks for stopping by.