Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Cindy Lou swung her shotgun toward Warden Bailey. “I don’t rightly cotton to little green men if you know what I mean.”

Warden Bailey ripped off his camouflage suit. He was about six three and right handsome in his Warden uniform. “How’d you do that?” Cindy Lou asked.

“It’s just a costume so as to not upset all you Earth humans by running around in our space ships and making you feel all backwards.”

“Who you calling backwards?” Cindy Lou asked as she started to squeeze the trigger.

Elwood dove for the freezer but was a little late as Cindy popped him over the head with her gun. “I came out here ot shoot some people and doggone it, I may just have to shoot you boys if you don’t tell me what is going on.”

Warden Bailey explained about the man and mules Elwood sent back into the past. Cindy Lou said she reckoned that would be old Caleb and that the wagon would be full of moonshine. Elwood and Billy Mac started jumping up and down. “We done hit the mother-lode. A wagon full of moonshine will set us up for the rest of our lives.” Jim Bailey pointed out that they had the little problem of finding the time traveling moonshine and getting it back and the issue of smuggling of Earth contraband which he was duty bound to stop even if he wasn’t really a revenuer.

Cindy Lou looked at the bunch of them. “Well, it looks to me like all you men are the same even if you are advanced spacemen. If you had pickup trucks and boats, you be just like the old boys around here.” Elwood grinned. “Actually, this is a pickup. A mint condition 1982 Flitter F250.”

Could you boys just send me back home? You don’t have to worry about me ever telling anyone about this. No one would believe me. I’ll just say I was abducted by little green men. That makes more sense.”