Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Friday, January 09, 2004
Cletus says he expects us to have a big ice storm this weekend. He doesn't have any evidence to support his assertion, but he asserts aggressively so Elroy has gone to get milk, bread and flashlight batteries. Before he left, Bubba asked what he did with the batteries he bought the last time he thought we were faced with a weather disaster. Elroy said he put them up somewhere and now doesn't remember where. Elroy probably has as many batteries as the Energizer Bunny, but he doesn't remember where he put them. Bubba asked if he knew where his flashlight was and Elroy said he wasn't real sure he had one so he guessed he better buy a few while he was out.

Elroy hates ice storms. The Electric Coop has to get out and fix the fallen lines and cut fallen trees so they can get the power back and it is cold, hard work and all the experienced linemen get to help and that includes Elroy who normally has a desk job.

Cletus asked why the Coop didn't cut back the trees in the Summer instead of waiting until they fell on the lines. Elroy said that cutting the trees in the summer was too expensive.

I think I'll get me one of those generators that automatically kick in when the power goes off. This could be a long, cold winter.

Thursday, January 08, 2004
Cletus says he is thinking about taking early retirement and devoting full time to his writing. Elroy asked how one goes about retiring when one has not hit a lick at a snake in the memory of any of one's "friends". Cletus allowed as to how he seems to have made it to early retirement age in pretty good financial condition for "one" who never did anything. "How so?" asked Elroy. Cletus said he had a fine F250, a couple of doublewides in joint ownership with ex-wives and a fine herd of free-range porkers, not to mention his complete set of "HotRod" magazines which alone is enough to live comfortablely as he has gone accustomed to living.

Bubba said he wanted to talk to Cletus about his free-range pork since it was mostly free-ranging on Bubba's property. I said that I did not intend to keep the BBQ Emporium open forever so Cletus needed to think about how he will be eating in the future.

Cletus said that it was "friends" like us that keep a man from pursuing his dreams. Bubba said maybe Cletus should apply for one of those McArthur Genius Grants since he was a genius at mootching.

Cletus had a piece of pecan pie to ease his hurt feelings so that must mean he is "back on his feed" as the old folks say.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004
We here at the old BBQ Emporium are struggling back to life. Cletus says he did okay with whatever he had as long as he acted like a cat--sleep 22 hours a day and yawn the other two. I don't know if what hit us was the flu or just some nasty virus, but all we have been able to do is just what we had to. Sorry about no Christmas Story, but maybe Bubba will finish it in time for next Christmas.

Cletus says he thought of some new "Rednecks From Space" episodes while he was considering dying so maybe we'll see some of those soon.