Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, January 22, 2004
Things are pretty slow around here. It has been cold and we are all dragging. Cletus has been working on his "Rednecks From Space" episode so maybe next week we can all read it. The two people who were reading it may recall that Caleb McCord was stranded somewhere in the past with only his mules, coon dog and a wagon load of moonshine. The RFSs were trying to find their space ship which has been camouflaged as a cherry 1979 Ford F250 with air-conditioning and possibly a NASCAR spec engine with a Smoky Yunick flat crank and Big O mud and snows. They had just escaped from two small boys who were... Oh, never mind, if you are interested, go and read it.

Elroy hasn't gotten any overtime at the Electric Coop since we haven't had any real bad weather and he is a bit unhappy. Seems he had plans for the money and now he doesn't have it. Says he has his eyes on one of them newfangled TVs that you can hang on the wall like it was a picture and he figured he might be able to slip his overtime pay past his wife and sneak one into his workshop since that is where he spends most of his time.

Nothing new on Cletus' retirement plans but I do have to say he hasn't worked for the past month or so. I guess you could say he has retired in place.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Cletus just came in and announced that it is cold outside. He seems to think only he notices twenty degrees and ice. I think we have had enough winter, but I guess we need a few more cold days to kill the pine beetles.

Cletus is still thinking about retiring. He says that the firewood business is about dried up and he wasn't able to get that big BBQ place in Birmingham as a customer so he may as well retire and enjoy his autumn years. We all are still trying to figure out what the difference will be in a retired Cletus versus the doesn't work Cletus.

Cletus and Mary Ruth have been hot and cold for a few months now. MR is not happy about the end of Cletus' political career but she seems to see something in him the rest of us miss. Cletus says it is his superior intelligence and his sparkling personality. Bubba says he'd believe it was the "classic" F250 first.

Cletus says he has writer's block on "Rednecks From Space" but that he is still trying. We'll see.

Monday, January 19, 2004
The following came from one of our rocket scientist friends. I don't know where he got it or else I would give credit where due.

Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train to the
Super Bowl. At the station, the three Northerners each buy a ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy just one ticket.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
one of the Yankees.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the men from the South.

They all board the train. The three Yankee men take their
respective seats but all three Southerners cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Yankees see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip, but see, to their astonishment, that the three Southerners don't buy any ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed

"Watch and learn," answer the men from the South.

When they board the train the three Northerners cram themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the Southerners leaves their toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the Yankees are hiding. The Southerner knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

(And I'm still trying to figure out how the South lost that war)