Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, February 05, 2004
There was "universal" agreement from the BBQ Emporium crowd that Cletus' latest RFS episode was plum lame. Elroy even went so far as to say that Cletus should consider re-entering politics because his stories have become as lame as most of the positions taken by the current crop of politicians. Cletus says he is trying to get a good episode together, but he is having a serious case of writer's block. Bubba said that surprised him since he always assumed that only a writer could get writer's block.

I guess there won't be much accomplished here today.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Now you may remember that Elwood and Billy Jack, the rednecks From Space, had accidentally sent a local feller by the name of Caleb McCord back into the past where he met up with Abe Lincoln and gave Abe some advice jut before Elwood latched on to Caleb and sent him somewhere else. Old Caleb seems to have been lost for a while now do I guess we better look in on him and see how he is doing what with Elwood and Billy Jack having escaped from and evaded the law and are now desperately hunting for their spaceship which is disguised as a 1979 F250 Ford Pickup which may or may not have a Smoky Yunick Flatcrank NASCAR engine not that it matters to Caleb because he is stuck somewhere with just his wagon, mules, faithful Bluetick hound and a load of almost 300 year old whiskey of we can just get him back to now.

Of course the whiskey will be three hundred years old when Caleb gets back from the past. Anyway, Caleb found himself on a lane that wound by a big river. He came upon a small boy chopping on a tree with a little hatchet. “Let me guess,” Caleb said to the boy. “Your name is George Washington and you just got that hatchet.’ “Yes sir, that is right and I am chopping some firewood for my Father.” “Well, George, let me give you some advice. Be sure to tell the truth when your Father asks who chopped down the tree and if you ever find yourself on a boat with a bunch of other guys crossing a big river, don’t stand up in the boat.”

“And George, that is a peach tree. Maybe you should try the cherry tree over there instead.”

Meanwhile back at the Space Ship Elwood had his retriever fired up and latched on to Caleb. He punched the retrieval button and Caleb disappeared in a bright light but he didn’t appear back in 2004. Billy jack screamed that Elwood had gone and done it again and sooner or later, the two of them would end up in jail on some cold planet for the next two hundred years. Elwood figured that it was a good time to get out of the area so he fired up the F250 only to find that his anti-matter drive was fused to the rusty chrome on the front bumper and the nearest repair station was about four light years away unless he could fix it. Luckily, he had seen every episode of classic “Star Trek” so he knew a variety of ways to fix it. Putting on his best “Scotty” disguise, he set to work.