Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Old Thomas (we call him that although he is no older than the rest of us, but dang it, the boy has been old since he was a kid) came in this morning and he was fit to be tied. Old Thomas is a yeller dog Democrat and he is mighty upset about the whole George Bush National Guard thing. See Old Thomas joined the National Guard in 1965 while he was still in high school and he thinks he did a pretty good job until he retired in 1995. He says he did three hurricanes, a couple of floods, some fires and a few tornado cleanups and that seems to be enough for anyone and now John Kerry says he was a draft dodger.

Old Thomas says he doesn't know if he can vote for a Republican and it doesn't look like the Democrats will be running a yeller dog so he may just have to sit this one out and he hasn't missed an election since he turned twenty one.

Bubba said he thought Old Thomas had a Purple Heart. Thomas said he did but that was from Desert Storm and he guessed that didn't count since he was still a Vietnam draft dodger having joined the National Guard and all. He admits he did use his Daddy's influence to get into the Guard so it probably is only fair to call him a draft dodger. Cletus asked what kind of influence Old Thomas' Daddy had since he was just a local carpenter and fixit man. Old Thomas siad his Daddy knew the First Sergeant and took him down to join and brought along a pint of Wheeler Kirkland's best moonshine and the First Sergeant signed him right up.

That got everyone talking about Wheeler's moonshine and how much they missed it. By the time he headed out to work, Old Thomas had pretty much cooled down.

Monday, February 09, 2004
Cletus says he is pretty sure some of his free range pork is missing. He isn't sure if it was stolen or washed away in all the rain we had over the last few days. He hasn't been real successful in getting his pork to market even after I told him that there was a company up in Ohio that was paying a premium for "naturally" grown pork. Bubba says the problem is making any money from the pigs would involve work of some sort and Cletus developed an allergy to work years ago. Bubba says he would rather his brother have an allergy than to be just plain lazy.

Elwood has started to wear a uniform on his job at the Electric Coop. When he drove a Coop truck back before he became an office worker, he wore brown pants and a tan shirt. He really thought his uniforn set him aprt from those of us who dressed "mufti" as he called it. Bubba always agreed with him, but I don't think he meant it the same as Elwood. Anyway, Elwood has gotten himself a white shirt with the Electric Coop logo above the pocket and dark blue pants. Bubba says he finds it quite striking and expects Elwood to be mobbed by women when he goes out. He says it reminds him of one of those makeovers they do on the TV.

You can imagine what Elwood looked like before the "makeover".