Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, March 11, 2004
We are still here and hope to get back to story telling soon. Cletus says he has come with a good many while recovering from his near death experience and as soon as he is back on his feet, he will write them down. Elroy say he has been on pins and needles worrying about those boys from outer space that Cletus left hanging. Cletus says he is more worried about the wagon load of whiskey that is lost somewhere in time.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Cletus staggered in this morning. He is looking a bit peaked but will probably survive. All he could talk about this morning was that he was thinking about buying a new truck. Seems he read where Mr. Possum and Kudzuboy bought new cars and trucks and he feels he needs to keep up. He says the old F250 gets pretty bad gas mileage and he needs to save some money. Elroy whipped out his trusty Electric Coop calculator and figured Cletus would save enough gas in only 47 years to pay for a new F250. If he were to go for a F150, then he could pay for it in only 40 years. Cletus said he may have to go for one a few years old since the other fellers bought new used vehicles, he guesses that he could too. Elroy figured he could pay for a used F250 in only 25 years if he is able to keep up his average annual mileage as he ages.

Cletus says he may just buy one of them motor homes and go see the country and then we will all miss him and feel bad about the mistreatment when he was barely off his death bed. Bubba asked if he could have Cletus' Farmall since he wouldn't be needing it on his tour of the country. The Farmall resides at Bubba's anyway so he was just asking for more formal ownership, but Cletus got all het up and said he would be coming by to get his tractor and would be parking it somewhere else. Bubba asked if that meant Cletus would be taking all his other stuff from Bubba's barn. He said he could really use the extra space. Cletus went into a coughing spell and never answered. Their Mama already told Cletus he can't park anymore stuff in her front yard. She said he may be a redneck but that didn't mean that he can make her house look like a redneck lives there even if he does.

Mizz Jones is a right dignified Lady and it just about breaks her heart to have a son like Cletus who prides himself in being a true redneck. She says it must have come from the time Bubba dropped Cletus on his head. Bubba says that just proves she tries to blame everything on him. He says Cletus wasn't wound all that tight before he dropped him so there couldn't have been much damage. And so it goes.

Monday, March 08, 2004
Sorry about the lack of posting but we have have been too busy to play. Elroy helped me with my taxes and now I am having to redo everything for my accountant. Old Wallace gets real upset if things don't add up.

Even Cletus is busy although he is busy being sick. He says he is nigh on to death. Bubba says that Cletus seems to have a mild cold or maybe a touch of some kind of stomach virus, but he doubts we need to make any funeral arrangements just yet. Cletus is staying over at his Mama's and Mizz Jones is babying him something fierce so I expect that he will be real slow recovering. Mizz Jones asked that I send over some Emporium pecan pie since Cletus likes it so much and she wants him to enjoy his last few days. Bubba says Cletus always was Mizz Jones' favorite. For a moment there, I thought he was going to do the Smother's Brothers pet chicken routine.

Elroy got to do some electric pole climbing last week what with heavy winds and a lot of rain. It did the boy no good. He is all stove up with pain in his back and legs. Bubba says it may be because hasn't climbed a pole in a while or done any other physical stuff other than mow his lawn and he uses a riding mower for that. Elroy says he thinks he must have slipped or ruptured a disc because he can't imagine such pain from just doing a little more physical stuff than he is used to.

We'll try to pick up the pace here if you'll keep stopping by.