Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Cletus says he needs to find him one of those white cowboy hats to go with his mandolin. He found his old shoestring tie, a white shirt and a pretty nice suit and he is ready for Bluegrass although he says that he may just use the mandolin to get back in politics. He says that in the old days, having a bit of music for the folks helped to bring in the vote and he bets it isn't that much different today. Bubba asked if this meant he was back in the race for Commissioner and Cletus said he has his sights set on a higher office. Elroy asked if Cletus was planning on running for Governor and Cletus said he wasn't that stupid. He says he doesn't have a clue about how to fix the State's problems and can't come up with anything that even he could believe. Bubba suggested that he could tell the voters that he will solve the financial problems by playing the slots using his winning system and the good people of Alabama will feel no pain as Cletus pays their way to a bright future. Cletus said that is about as good a plan as any he has seen presented by the current crop of politicians in Montgomery, but he himself is leaning toward the Probate Judge office. He says he figures he can do that job as well as anyone and it doesn't look too hard.

Well, that raised the issue of what the Probate Judge does and none of us knows including Cletus. We couldn't very well tell him he couldn't do it if we don't know what it is. Bubba says he always wanted to have a lawyer in the family so he guess having a Judge is okay. Cletus said there are a number of County offices he is looking at so Bubba shouldn't gert his hopes up too much. Cletus says he is going to call their Uncle what won the lottery and see if he will stake his race. Bubba asked what became of the Elvis act and Cletus said that he couldn't afford to mess up his Bluegrass day view with an Elvis act. That's how he said it "day view". Don't go faulting my spelling.

I asked Cletus if he was going to have any time to finish any of the stories he started and he promised to try. Of course after all these months, both of you should know Cletus well enough to not get your hopes up.

Cletus is back from Mississippi, tanned and rested as they say. He cleaned out the casinos. Bubba says he won a whole twenty five cents. A quarter! Cletus says he has a system and once he works out the kinks, he will be visiting casinos around the country and clean out their slot machines. He figures he will be a millionaire by Christmas. Now I've heard of systems for Poker and Blackjack, but I really don't understand how you can have a systems for the slots. Maybe I'm just dense.

We are having really nice weather here. There were a lot of people who put their boats in the lake over the weekend and got their first sunburn of the season. It just gets to me when good Southerners act like Yankees and get themselves all sunburned. No wonder we have so many rednecks around the BBQ Emporium.

I thought about wandering over to Huntsville and watching the little possum play soccer last weekend, but I don't know a thing about the game and the big possum doesn't seem to want anyone to know he has a blog so I didn't want him to have to try to explain who the old guy with the redneck was. Cletus says the next time he is in Birmingham, he thinks he will look up Mr. Possum and see what he looks like. I think Cletus secretly hopes he really is a possum.

Cletus says he bought himself a mandolin while he was in Mississippi, but it hurts his fingers and he doesn't know if he will be able to bear the pain while becoming the latest rage in Bluegrass. Bubba allowed that the pain would be borne by those who hear Cletus playing. He may just be right.