Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance. billyjoebobsbbq@yahoo.com

Thursday, March 03, 2005
 
Cletus says he takes back his comments about the general stupidity and ignorance of the Emporium gang. He says he has been reading some philosophical writings and came across some guy named Peter Singer and if that is what passes for intellect, he'd rather listen to Elroy's rantings.

Not much going on here because it is bright and sunny outside and just about perfect for all around goofing off.


Wednesday, March 02, 2005
 
Cletus says all of a sudden it is seasonably cold just when he was starting to think that we were going to have an early spring. I don't know if all of us had been lured into thinking that way just because some trees were in bloom, the finches are turning yellow and Bubba saw a pair of Bluebirds looking at his bird real estate last week. Anyway, this morning kind of changed our thinking on that. Bubba says his windshield washer fluid was frozen and that is a rare thing where he lives. Bubba says the temperature varies greatly from place to place and his yard up under the trees usually is a few degrees warmer than it is just across the road. I don't know about that since I don't wander around in the early hours with a thermometer.

I think we may be getting old since there was a bunch of moaning and groaning this morning about joints hurting and I saw several people chasing pills with their coffee. Nothing like an Aleve with your coffee to get the day started.

Several weeks back, Mizz Junebugg asked about Mary Ruth, Cletus' lady friend. Cletus says he is a little reluctant to say anything about her after his experience from his interviews. I'll think about it and even look back through the archives where I think I described her a couple of years ago when she and Cletus were thinking about a run for County Commissioner. Cletus says he should have gone for it because there is a rumor already that there may be some new indictments. Bubba said that maybe the best approach would be to make a big political contribution and hope to be appointed once the current commissioner goes on vacation to Maxwell. Cletus said he hears that something like that is what may be getting the current guy his vacation.


Tuesday, March 01, 2005
 
Cletus sends his apologies to all who may still be stopping by. He says he thinks the downfall of Compleat Redneck started when he tried to be serious and got into the interviewing business. The big problem is that right off, people stopped talking to him for fear they would find themselves appearing on these fine screens (surely no one would ever print this drivel). Cletus says you really find out who your friends are when you start an interview series and he is just about devastated because he had dreams of being a Southern Studs Terkel. Elroy asked if that was the feller who used to live over near Heneger and made the really good moonshine, not that he Elroy had ever tasted any moonshine but he had just heard about it from some of the backsliders down at this Church. Elroy is a sometime Baptist and they take a dim view of demon alcohol.

Cletus said that sometimes he thinks he will just have to move away from here because the ignorance is so thick that sometimes it looks a lot like smog and maybe he should just call the environmental people to see if the Super Fund has any cleanup money available. Bubba wanted to know if the Super Fund was a Marvel Comics hero since he hadn't heard of him and was he someting like Spiderman but you could invest your money with him and make a good return.

Cletus said that comment pretty much proved his point about rampant ignorance here 'bouts.

Cletus says it is about the strangest weather he has ever seen where upon one of the older fellers said that the weather was nothing like it was back when he was growing cotton as a five year old and there was snow in September and you couldn't tell the cotton from the leaves covered with snow, but the sacks did weigh heavy and one day he picked 300 pounds. If he coulda dragged a heavier sack, he is sure he could have done at least 400 pounds, but then he was only five years old and his old Granny could only pick 200 hundred a day in high cotton.

Bubba said that it looked like a good time to get on with feeding his stock since the manure was deeper here than in his barnyard.


Monday, February 28, 2005
 
One of our older friends has lost his driving privileges and Cletus is having to drive by and pick him up so he can come in and have breakfast with us. Seems that a couple of weeks ago, he got up to come to breakfast and we weren't open when he got here so he headed off to Huntsville to find a place to eat and was pulled over at 1:00 AM driving the wrong way on a major four lane street. His doctor says he has early Alzheimer's and he is no longer allowed to drive.

Bubba asked him if the Doc had known him a long time since he hasn't been known as the sharpest knife in the drawer and absolute normal for him might appear to be Alzheimer's to someone who hadn't met him before. He said that the Doc was his regular Doc and had given him a sample of medicine that was supposed to improve his memory and it seemed to working because he had just remembered that he had been planning for years to whip Bubba's butt. Cletus said it was too bad he had just now remembered because it would be a real show seeing Bubba getting whipped and James seemed a little peeked to start now.

James said that they could joke about it but getting old took toughness and nerve. We all agreed that we are close enough to old that we see his point. Anyway, Bubba and Cletus are going to take turns bringing James to the Emporium so he can continue to benefit from the high culture and intellectual repartee that we have here.

Speaking of old, can we use that as an excuse for the lack of posts?