Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Cletus has been talking to an old friend of ours with the unfortunate name of Jim Bond. He was named that long before any of us ever heard of Ian Fleming, but by the time we were in our teens, the Bond movies hit the silver screen and old Jim became known as Double-Nought. He never got a number after the two zeros and as far as I know, he never got a license to kill. He did, however, get into the detective business as a second job, his first job being meat manager at the Piggly Wiggly. There never has been a lot of need for a detective around here and Jim is too well known to be any kind of undercover guy (there's a pun there I think) so he has not managed to obtain one of those fancy European cars as his detective ride, but he does have a pretty nice '63 Pontiac Bonneville Convertible with the 389 and three dueces. He doesn't drive it much what with the price of gas and his desire to keep it as cherry as possible. He jokes that it is a major portion of his retirement planning.

Jim is a little unusual in that he doesn't have a middle name. He says his family was too poor to afford one for all their kids and by the time he was born, he was lucky to get even a first name.

He also jokes that although he didn't get a license to kill with his detective school diploma, he did get a license to hurt feelings with hard looks. Cletus promises to tell some of Double-Nought's better detecting stories.

Monday, April 18, 2005
Cletus has been pretty doggone happy the last few days. Mary Ruth found a recipe for a chocolate -pecan pie that combines his favorites into one. It sounds real good, but Cletus didn't share with the rest of us and we have learned it isn't safe to get between that boy and his food. In most other respects he is a good-hearted soul, but don't mess with his grub.

Elroy says he has some good sized catfish in his pond and he is about ready to let us try to catch some but he says Cletus needn't bother asking since he would probably catch and eat all the fish and not leave any for the rest of us. Bubba said he didn't consider that to be a big worry since that level of fishing would come real close to work and Cletus is allergic to work.

Speaking of allergies, I'll be glad when the pollen backs off a little. I am getting a little tired of all the hacking and sneezing and the itchy eyes are no fun either.

Elroy says there is no change he can see in Old Roy. He continues about the same. Still high-spirited though. His wife called in a preacher and wanted him to tell Roy he was on his way to hell. The preacher tried but Roy said he he didn't see that either his wife or the preacher had a direct line to God, so he thought he would just take his chances and not get real wrapped up in complicated theology right now. He says he doesn't seem to have a lot of time left and complicated things just don't seem worth it.