Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thursday Three
1. Do we sound like people who would prepare for something?

2. What was the question again? Oh yeah. Well Cletus can do about anything, Elroy is an electric utility guy, Bubba is a farmer and some of us know how to cook. I guess we would make out okay and probably be able to help the neighbors too.

3. Hey, we are country folk. Since when is a natural disaster anything new?

So Cletus was screwing around and posted a blank so here are some words to fill it in. Notice that they make about as much sense as what we usually post here.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Cletus says he just doesn't understand why the government does what it does in events such as the big hurricane down on the Gulf. A few years back a small tornado came past his trailer and caused a bit of damage to the surrounding acerage. Cletus' trailer at the time was one where destroying it would have been an improvement, but it was his home so he set about cleaning up around the place. Cletus has never gotten into cars and trucks on blocks so his cleanup was mostly cutting some trees that had fallen across his yard (no lawn as mowing involves work) and helping his neighbor cut a few pines that had fallen on his house. The Electric Coop was out a couple of hours after the tornado passed and got the electricity back on before nightfall saving Cletus' box of Blue Bell chocolate ice cream from melting too bad. The telephone company fixed th phones pretty quick, too.

A few weeks later, the county boys who pick up yard waste and junk came by and picked up what tree limbs Cletus hadn't cut up for firewood and one of the boys ran a grader up the ditch to clear it out. Not a lot of government stuff there. Cletus and his neighbors did most of the cleanup and private companies fixed the utilities he needed pretty durn fast.

Cletus says he knows the New Orleans and Southern Mississippi situation is much worse because of the sheer size of the area involved but to him it just seems dumb for the government to force the people who lived there to leave so that it can hire contractors to "clean up".

Cletus is such a cynic, but he may have a point.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Cletus says he is confused about global warming. That surprised us since we think he is confused about everything. Anyway, he says he has been thinking about the whole thing and it seems to him that the amount of carbon, oxygen and hydrogen is pretty much constant on the Earth so just how much are we going to be able to increase the concentration of the "greenhouse" gases in the atmosphere before running out of the components.

"He been watching the Learning Channel again." Bubba said. One of our rocket scientist friends said that Cletus was basically right about the elements being pretty much constant although there are some scientists who believe the amount of water is not constant and that water falls out of space. Cletus said that was true but there was no body of peer reviewed work to support the theory. Did I ever mention that Cletus is a great fan of science publications?

Bubba said the conversation was getting too deep for him and anyway, what was Cletus' point if he happened to have one. Cletus said he was just wandering about the global warming thing. He said that the solar constant ranged from 0.8 to 1.0 kW / m² and he just wondered if there was any evidence that it was increasing. In fact he wondered why Germany was not a lot hotter since the solar constant there was 950 and 1100 kWh / m², depending on the region and that appeared to be higher than average.

Bubba promised to burn all Cletus' science books before he becomes really dangerous.

We heard from Elroy. He is doing well and is not actually climbing poles down in Mississippi but has an office job. He says it is because of his vast experience. Bubba says it is probably because they took one look at Elroy and decided it was not a good idea to have him climbing poles. Cletus said that more likely, Elroy climbed one pole and they had to call the fire department to get him down.

One of our rocket scientist friends has applied for a big shot job at the Arsenal and we are really looking forward to him getting it so we can say we knew him back when. He says he isn't really a rocket scientist but we all know that everyone who works at Redstone is a rocket scientist.

Cletus said he almost got a job there once but they wanted to check his background and he didn't want the unfortunate distilled spirits incident to be raised again so he turned themn down. Bubba said that he seemed to remember the job was as a short order cook and that the background check was to see if he knew how to cook not if he was a security threat.

Well that's all the drivel we have for today.

Monday, September 12, 2005
Cletus has decided not to head to the Gulf to cut trees. He says there are probably plenty of people on the way already. We heard from all the people we know down that way except for the brother of one of the rocket scientists. He lives down southeast of New Orleans and there has been no word. Another brother lived just down the road and called from Vicksburg last week to say his family was okay but he had no news of the missing one.

There are a lot of kids showing up in schools around here and several families have said they think they'll just stay up here in North Alabama. We welcome them as long as they accept proper BBQ and don't try to make us eat beef briskets. Cletus says he bets there will be some real good catfish cooks among our new neighbors and he is looking forward to getting to know them.

Hopefully Cletus will provide the fish.