Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Friday, October 07, 2005
Cletus was getting a little bored since it has turned down right cold here and Mizz Jones is refusing to let him turn on the heat before November. She says she ain't paying those high prices for natural gas. Cletus tried to explain they don't use natural gas but to no avail. Have you ever wondered what an "avail" is?

Anywhay Cletus says he thought we should go ahead and post Commandment 4 since he may be too tired by Monday to think about it what with all the shivering from the cold spell which I estimate is down in the 60s. Here goes:

"Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it."

Now that used to be a law around here unless you ran certain kinds of businesses of which the Emporium was one. If I recall, certain gas stations and bait shops could be open, but it has been awhile so don't quote me on that.

Bubba says this would be a pretty good one to be in the law unless they started trampling on the things he likes to do on Sunday. Of course, someone had to point out that the Sabbath is the seventh day and Sunday is the first day on most calendars so our old "blue" laws could have been a little off on that too. Elroy says he "thinks a lot of Jews still keep the Sabbath from Friday to Saturday and then there are the Seventh Day Adventists who say all the Baptists are heatherns." I know how to spell heathen, but heathern is what Elroy said. Cletus popped up with a short exposition on the Seventh Day Baptists who meet on Saturday so they probably aren't heathens either. For those not acquainted with the Seventh Day Baptists, they seem to only have one congregation which is located down the road from us in Paint Rock, Alabama right near the "Old Line Holiness Church" or some such. Cletus says he never catches the name because he is still think about the "log trailer" when he gets to Paint Rock. Don't ask!

We think that this is a good one in that the Israelites had a good idea about a day of rest at a time when ordinary people worked every day until they dropped dead of old age at about 30, but he is not sure that there should be a State or Federal law specifying that everyone has to rest and worship God on a certain day each week. He says he seems to recall that Paul, who insisted he was an Apostle, wasn't real hung up on keeping the Sabbath. I would put our crack research team on that assertion but at the rate he works, it would be December before he got back with the citation.

Well, we seem to be rambling so everyone have a good weekend and be sure to keep whatever Sabbath you wish. If you see Roy out campaigning on Sunday, give him our regards.

Not that we think that Roy's appearances in various pulpits have anything to do with politics.

Bubba worked his way down to number three: "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."

Still doesn't seem to be a lot of that wording in any laws that we know of although our Grandmas were pretty sure that those words meant no cussing so it certainly was a law when we were mere lads.

Cletus says he suspects that commandment has something to do with vainly calling God's wrath down on your enemies or more so these days, those who have the temerity to disagree with you. Bubba said he really hated it when Cletus got to looking in the dictionary seeing as how he always came up with big words such as "temerity". Elroy said he thought it meant "nerve" or "gumption" which led to a long discussion about nerves and why mostly only women have them or at least that was our experience back in the days when old Doctor Tucker was dispensing valium for a large outbreak of nerves.

I can see we have gotten way off course here so back to old number three.

The consensus among the Emporium morning crowd was number 3 is basically a religious thing and has not a lot to do with the laws of our fair State. Cletus pushed for a vote that Judge Roy is in violation of this one too, but he couldn't get a majority to vote with him.

In the middle of our discussion, one of the rocket scientists, who is an ardent Roy supporter, came through and said that we are a bunch of atheists and once Roy is in office, we'll learn better. Cletus told her that she kind of proved our underlying premise with that statement but I don't think she knew what he meant.

Cletus said that he figures the next 13 months are going to be interesting.

Thursday, October 06, 2005
Bubba gathered up the Second Commandment and here it is:

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."

Now that's a humdinger there. Elroy says it seems to him that old Judge Roy may have stomped all over that sucker himself with that great big rock of his. Bubba says he personally is a little worried because he is pretty sure that he heard his Mama say that her Grandpa worshipped his moonshine and the best he can figure, he is is still in that four generation range. Elroy said if you looked at it that way, then Cletus is easier to understand. He is the iniquity visited upon Bubba because of ancestral idolatry.

Cletus said that he could find any law stuff in there and that it is just possible that old number 2 is in a little conflict with the First Amendment, too. (On looking closer, we figured out that the document Elroy found yesterday was the Constitution that everyone likes to talk about but few bother to read.)

Cletus said that he wanted it to be clear to everyone that he is in agreement with the Ten Commandments from his own personal religious convictions but he also has a lot of respect for the Constitution which is what lets him worship where and how he wants even if most of his neighbors are Baptists.

Now don't anyone go thinking we don't like Baptists. It's just that Cletus isn't a Baptist and doesn't much care to have anyone trying to force him to be one. In fact, I figure if someone tried to force Cletus to be what he is now, he would bow his back up.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Cletus says that what with Judge Roy running for governor and the Ten Commandments about to jump back on the front pages, he thinks Compleat Redneck should have a series of essays concerning them and how they might affect the Emporium crew day to day. Here is his take one number 1:

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me."

Pretty good Commandment for a believer in any religion that has a deity don't ya think? Of course Judge Roy says the Commandments are the basis of our laws so I suppose we should look to see if that one is in there anywhere. Nope, can't find it in any of the US Code. Dang, if we only had Roy's reputed near perfect memory, I bet we could home right in on it.

Elroy did find something he refers to as the First Amendment that says "Congress shall make no law regarding the establishment of religion" but of course we all know that is probably some communist document and besides it doesn't apply to the States.

Elroy says he thinks that Roy may be wanting to make everyone live by Christian rules but from what he has read about Roy and his followers, they sound more like Pharisees than the early Christians. He says he thinks Roy really wants to force everyone to live as he wants them to. Elroy is not so sure you can force someone to be a Christian or a Jew or any other religion, but then Elroy is just an old country boy so what does he know?

I had to cut him off on that line of thought because we all know that no Pharisee was a Saint, dang it all.

Bubba is doing some research to see if he can find the second commandment before tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Elroy has returned from his adventure repairing downed power lines although we are pretty sure he just sat in the office trailer and never climbed a pole.

Bubba says he thinks we were a little hard on Judge Roy yesterday. Seems Roy has no intention of moving The Rock to the Guv's mansion should he be elected. Cletus said he would rather Roy get Jesse rather than The Rock since he has some governing experience. It took us a little while, too.

Monday, October 03, 2005
Cletus just came in and said Judge Roy has announced he is running for the GOP nomination for Governor of our fair State. Bubba says it looks like the next year or so should be interesting as the people who have never bothered to actually read the Ten Commandments fight hard to get man who makes Bozo look intelligent elected to head Alabama's government.

Of course, this means blogging just became a whole lot more fun.

Cletus says it is possible that there could be a worse choice for Governor but right off hand, he can't think of one. Even Dandy Don looks good compared to Roy.