Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Friday, January 06, 2006
Cletus is a little unhappy. After a big response to his new car help blog, the readership has fallen way off. He says he can't understand why since the NPR Car Talk guys always seem to have plenty of calls for assistance. Bubba said it could be that the folks with 1960 Plymouth Valiants don't use computers and people with later model cars aren't likely to ask people named Cletus, Tierod and Luther for help. He then apologized saying "Luther" was a perfectly good name.

Elroy said he was going to miss global warming. Spring weather in January was nice but now winter is back. Elroy says he blames Bush for the cold snap but he has to work on exactly why since he has come to realize he isn't intelligent enough to believe two mutually exclusive things at once.

Cletus says he recently realized that here in our commmunity, we are the intellectual elite since we have long, detailed discussions about things we know nothing of which makes us much like the folks on Sunday morning TV shows. That really upset several people who got up and left even though they could have goofed off for another 30 minutes before going to work. Bubba said he didn't blame them since he himself didn't care for being compared to the "public intellectuals" he has heard or read.

Cletsu said that just proved we are a bunch of ignorant hicks who can't appreciate our betters and he was sorry he made the mistake of thinking we were anything else. That seemed to assuage (got a new dictionary for Christmas) most hurt feelings and everyone had another cup of coffee. Cletus bought me a few pounds of coffee from Aromas in Huntsville and it has been a real hit with the Emporium crowd. The downside is I may have to quit giving free refills.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Cletus says he is trying to remember some of the exciting things that happened to him when he was younger so he can tell us all about them and Compleat Redneck can again reach the heights of yesteryear. Bubba said why not just lie like Cletus normally does since none of the readers we still have would know the difference.

None of us can remember anything exciting that ever happened to Cletus after he got out of the distilled beverage transportation business so we are not holding our collective breath waiting for new tales.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Lapsed Blogger's Lament

Oh there was a time when I was the king
Or at least a charming prince of blogdom
There were readers at least twenty and two
Now there’s only me and just maybe you

Why there were people in England
Who for reasons unknown read here
And there were links and trackbacks
Or at least there would have been if I knew what the latter are.

Once there was even a troll
Who took nasty exception to something I wrote
Tho not a real intelligent exception
As someone did note

Daily were the posts I made
Telling stories and relating tales
Some true and some not so real
Of things past and present

But now, things are not so good
With posts quite scarce
Tales not told
And no comments rude

How far I have fallen
Given to reading my own drivel
Taking up precious time I could be devoting to yours
Or at least sampling a Bud or Coors

Given to writing bad rhymes
Completely out of Blogosphere times and climes
Unable to relate to blog politics or religion
Or to even write with appropriate derision
About either.

(What? You expected poetry?)

So far, 2006 has been a serious let down. We were expecting a major change from 2005 and all we have seen is more of the same. Of course, the weather yesterday was a major improvement as it was 70 degrees when we got out of bed. Okay, so it was nine AM but it was also January 2. Even the football games left us unsatisfied (not that we watched any, but people do talk). It seems Alabama won and Auburn lost. Now if we were fans, we would either be happy or sad, but as it is, we just feel a bit listless.

Well, the listless part is because we didn't write down our resolutions. Cletus says it seems a bit wasteful to write down things you have no intention of doing.

Cletus says he watched the "Biggest Loser" marathon on Bravo TV and was inspired to try to lose some weight. In case you have been reading Cletus' new Car Clinic blog, don't believe the picture there. He is a bit larger than the trim person shown. In fact, Bubba says he can't remember Cletus ever looking like that. Anyway, Cletus says he thinks he will try to get on "The Biggest Loser" because he has what it takes to be a winner.

Yep, about 200 extra pounds.