Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Cletus is working on a story but he says it is serious. He hinted that it contained the dates 732 and 1095 AD, Tours and a Pope named Urban. Elroy says he thinks Cletus has been reading history again and wants to impress us with his vast knowledge.

Monday, February 06, 2006
Cletus went down to the Super Walmart with Mary Ruth yesterday and he said it was a madhouse. It seems the weather guys predicted snow last night and there was a major run on bread, milk and flashlight batteries. Cletus said it set him to wondering if the people buying that stuff usually had nothing at home to eat for a day or two. Elroy said he wondered if the people buying the flashlight batteries had flashlights to put them in.

Bubba said he hadn't been much worried about it since the same weather guys said it would be in the 40s today.

Bubba isn't doing real good. Mizz Bubba got out of the hospital on Monday after a week getting over an operation. Wednesday Bubba Junior had a heart attack and almost died. Junior is 38 and it was his second in a year. The boy looks good but smokes like a chimney. Cletus offered to go over and whup the boy once he gets out of the hospital. Bubba asked if he could also whup Mizz Bubba who also refuses to quit.

Our older friend Roy died Saturday morning. Roy has had a half doezen terminal illnesses for about ten years each of which typically kills a person in a year or less. Roy was a tough old coot and a right nice feller. We are going to miss his cantankerousness.

Cletus says he hasn't been able to remember any Church stories except a real short one.

When we were boys, we all attended the same little Church. As youngsters are prone to do, we sat on the back row. The meeting house was small enough that we couldn't do anything even whisper without being heard.

One Sunday Johnny Wayne and Edwin (I have no idea how he got by with only one fairly normal name) were tasked with watching their baby sister who was about 3 at the time. One of them let her get down and play. She got under the pew, raised up and hit her head. "S---", she said pretty loudly. All of us giggled. Mamas looked aroud and frowned real hard. We got quiet in a hurry.

After preaching, every kid on the back row got a public whupping from their Mama. Cletus still thinks it was unfair since his Mama admits that she didn't actually see or hear him giggle.

"Sort of like calling Super Bowl plays', He says, "if you didn't see it, don't call it!"