Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance.

Thursday, February 16, 2006
I have been reading a bit and ran upon some accounts of European vs. Moslem battles through the years. It seems to me that the poor Moslems come off looking pretty bad until somewhere in the late 20th century when more astute historians started correcting the Euro-centric nature of historical documents. I do believe that they failed to do enough in a couple of cases. Specifically, I am right concerned that Charles Martel is still regarded as some kind of hero for his “defeat” of the peace loving Moslems at Tours in 732 BCE. (One must not be “Christian oriented if one is to be fair. One would use the Moslem calendar if one only understood it.)

Just read this: “October 10, 732 AD marks the conclusion of the Battle of Tours, arguably one of the most decisive battles in all of history. A Moslem army, in a crusading search for land and the end of Christianity, after the conquest of Syria, Egypt, and North Africa, began to invade Western Europe under the leadership of Abd-er Rahman, governor of Spain led an infantry of 60,000 to 400,000 soldiers across the Western Pyrenees and toward the Loire River.”
See what I mean. So judgmental! Kindly old Abd-er Rahman was out with his walking missionaries trying to spread his peaceful religion ( although there were some of the boys who were looking forward to the nude beaches at St. Tropez and a few days in gay Paree) and historians use such words as “end Christianity” and “invade” to try to make him look bad. Why, through a dedicated missionary effort, the Moslems had managed to spread peace across North Africa from Mecca to the Pyrenees in only a hundred years. Now I admit there were some people who complained about the loss of a few boy and girl children and most of their sheep and goats but there are always people who can’t handle progress. Note that the Moslems were providing a peaceful government to the people of Spain and were seeking to give the Franks the same opportunities for enlightenment. But was it to be? No!

They were met just outside the city of Tours by Charles Martel, known as the Hammer, and the Frankish Army. Martel was an anti-immigration bigot who preached that France was for the Franks. He had formed a vigilante group he called the Hammers and they patrolled the border area looking for Hispanic day laborers who were seeking a better life on the prosperous farms of the Frank’s land. (The best I can figure, most of the frenchies were named Frank and there were enough of them to defeat 60,000-400,000 missionaries. I ask you, just how hard could it be to beat a bunch of peace loving missionaries?) Although greatly out numbered the Franks defeated the Moslems through the use of superior Western technology no doubt stolen from the peaceful Moslems during one of the crusades the Europeans were constantly running. Oh, sorry, someone whispered to me that the crusades didn’t start for another 250 years and in the 8th century, apparently the Moslems were superior technically. (I ask you, just how technically superior can you be when you are still using camels?) Anyway, this guy Charles Martel beat the Moslems and in a fit of rage, actually killed the peace loving Moslem missionary, Abd-er Rahman, thus setting back Mecca’s missionary effort by a few hundred years. Sorry again. I’m told that Abd-er Rahman was killed during the battle and there is no evidence the Martel personally killed him, but rest assured, he gave the order and cannot place the blame on lower enlisted soldiers.

The descendants of the Prophet (or the not descendants depending on whether or not they were Sunni or Shia) redirected their missionary effort and managed to convert a lot of people up into what is now Bosnia, Croatia and Serbia. Being the kind and considerate people they are, they allowed the peoples in those areas to remain Christian as long as they paid extra taxes and obeyed all Moslem religious law. Of course, those who saw the light and converted were allowed to participate in the government which was only fair if you think about it. It is a truly frightening thing to think about fundamentalist Christians being in the government. Oh sorry again. It seems there were no fundamentalist Christians, just Roman Catholic, Greek and Eastern Orthodox. Well, the Christians, being their normal xenophobic selfish bigoted selves decided to mount a crusade to drive the Moslem missionaries out of Europe and the “Holy Land”. At the behest of the chief Zionist in Constantinople, the Patriarch of the Eastern Church, Pope Urban II mounted a crusade in 1095, sending vast European Armies against the peaceful Moslems who were allowing all religions to lives peacefully and who were advancing science at a remarkable rate having discovered the absolute best means of removing hands and feet and when necessary, heads. Okay that’s not quite fair. They had been bright enough to not kill all the mathematicians and scientists in North Africa and had pretty good architects and astrologers.

Anyway the crusades were to continue for a few hundred years and set back Moslem missionary efforts by centuries, so it is only fair to say that Urban II was a religious bigot, homophobic, probably liked young boys and only started the crusades for oil and at the behest of the Jews and to deflect criticism of his domestic agenda to tax the poor and give to the rich. Why his policies were practically feudal.

Okay, in all fairness, we did get the evil Prince John, the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robinhood from the First Crusade after Urban II talked Good King Richard into leading he crusade but I say it was still an evil attempt by the decadent West to exploit the innocent and peaceful Moslems.

Stay tuned for more history lessons.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Cletus is highly disappointed. He was expecting to get at least a mild warning if not a death threat from a moslem nut case but so far nothing although he says that we get a lot of spam that may be Arabic and death threats but unless we bring our friend Ali in to read it, we'll never know.

We would get Ali to come in but then we'd have to explain the whole thing to him since he doesn't pay a lot of attention to the news.

As one of the two of you may remember, Ali is our Lebanonese emigrant friend who, if he could only get his y'alls down, would be the primo redneck in these here parts. He has taken the "car on blocks" concept to new heights by putting Caterpiller tractors upon blocks all around his place. Bubba told him that John Deeres have a better color scheme but Ali says he is going with quality. Bubba says a 30 year old D-7 and "quality" probably don't belong in the same neighborhood.

Cletus is still working on his opus. I have no prediction for when he will finish.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Cletus says he has the same question for the moslems burning buildings and getting themselves killed to protest cartoons showing Mohammed or was that protecting Mohammed that he has always wanted to ask those who get all het up over some perceived insult to Jesus or God. "Since when does God need your protection, Bub?"

Cletus says the unmitigated arrogance of those who run around protecting God astounds him. From observation, it appears that the average protestor in these circumstances has the IQ of a mildly retarded little green apple. (Elroy says he is not real sure we can say such a thing since we may have just offended the little green apple lobby) If God needed protecting (and that is real doubtful) wouldn't you think he would get someone like Audie Murphy or Alvin York not some total nut case.

Our friend John, who managed to get himself a Navy Cross for Valor way back during the Vietnam adventure, says from his point of view, the heroes are right closs to nut cases themselves. He once read us the citation for his medal and it says something along the line of "Corpsman John disregarding his own skin, did put himself in the middle of a Vietnamese ambush in order to render aid to wounded Marines. His example rallied his fellows who responded by defeating the enemy." John say the whole thing is an obvious crock since only an insane person would do what the citation says he did and besides, his actions didn't "rally" the Marines, it embarrasssed them that a "swabbie" was braver than them.

Oh well, that is pretty much as far off subject as we can get for now.

Monday, February 13, 2006
A number of folks have been nice enough to ask about Bubba Junior and Mizz Bubba. They are both doing pretty good. With Mizz Bubba, it is a matter of getting her strength back. With Junior, it is a matter of getting back to the Doc and finding out what he can do to lower his risk of another heart attack. Junior is a lot like Bubba in that he doesn't ask the Doc hard questions like "why are you putting in a stent if you don't think it will work?".

Junior's wife is also a bit of a nut so between the two of them, they don't get enough information to know what they should do. Cletus goes with Bubba and Mizz Bubba occasionally but he embarasses them by asking the Doc too many questions. Cletus says he always asks the hired help hard questions.

I tell you, the boy just doesn't have any respect for his betters. He mouths off to lawyers and has been known to talk back to the media when he meets up with them Our County Commissioner avoids him as if he had leprosy not that the Commissioner has a clue what that is but he does remember the Preacher talking about it in Church.

Cletus says that he himself may not have a lot of formal education, but he isn't ignorant.

Since Cletus outmasses the lot of us considerable, no one called him on that.

Cletus is having trouble finding time to finish his story. He says that everytime he thinks he has a grip on the main point, the moslems do something even more stupid if that is possible.

He did say that 732 AD is the year Martel turned the moslems back at Tours, France although it was not until 1492 that they were finally forced out of Spain. That other date is the date of the start of the First Crusade when Pope Urban II sent troops to help the Christians in Constantinople fend off the Turks (read moslems). Of course, to read about the 1st Crusade today, Urban II was an opportunist and the moslems were mere peasants defending themselves against the violent natured Christians.

Ha Ha!

Cletus says that last line was a joke although not a very true or funny one. Elroy says it sounds like old U2 had the same problem in 1095 that we have today with sensitive moslems and an independent press although the press may be the same one.