Compleat Redneck

Commentary from the boondocks. If it makes any sense, it is just by chance. billyjoebobsbbq@yahoo.com

Thursday, March 22, 2007
 
Cletus continues with his analyses of the 2008 crop:

He came to national attention as the “crime fighting” mayor of a major U.S. city and considered running for President in 2000 but was diagnosed with cancer and decided to instead get himself kicked out of Gracie Mansion (a NY landmark house originally built by George Burn) by his wife because she discovered that he had a mistress and he moved in with two of his closet sorry closest friends who happened to be gay and they let him sleep on pallet on the floor and he looked to be pretty well washed up as politician until the current administration, in an effort to rehabilitate his image, arranged for some Arabs to fly airplanes into some big buildings and he managed to not act like a complete dolt as the guy in New Orleans did when the administration arranged a big hurricane so he looks really good to the side of the Republican Party that wants someone who has shown a bit of management ability and the willingness to be an SOB and he is practically a shoo-in for the nomination except for few issues such as that homosexual thingy and his desire to appeal or better still, ignore the 2nd Amendment which would not be a problem if it weren’t for all the rightwing nutcases who take primaries and the Constitution (you know who you are) very seriously and then there is that guy from Arizona who is some kind of war hero and the cultist from Mass. and the actor from Tennessee and the skinny health nut from Arkansas and a couple dozen other “contenders” but at least he is man enough to not cry if he doesn’t get the nomination.


Wednesday, March 21, 2007
 
Cletus says that he heard this morning that Gov. Blanco of Louisiana is not running for a second term. He is disappointed because that he had placed a bet that she would not do one intelligent thing during her term of office.


 
Cletus' take on another frontrunning Democrat:

He is definitely black although he could just as well be white since his father was black and his mother white but he may not really be black (his father was not really black but Nigerian) unless he can find some member of his mother’s family who was a black slave in the U.S. since certain “civil rights” leaders insist that only persons of color who are descended from slaves are really black but even then he is really just about perfect as a Democrat Presidential candidate because he regularly bathes and speaks English fairly well and Ebonics practically not at all unless it is in the privacy of his own home and the “media” love him and it doesn’t matter that not everything he says about himself and what he really believes can be verified and he has not a lot of experience that would lead one to think he could do the job a except a couple of years as an Illinois legislator where he seems to have dodged the difficult votes and then he got elected to the Senate when his viable Republican opponent was absorbed by the Borg although that may have only been on a TV show and he has served two full years in the U.S. Senate where he has done nothing except write a books and become a media darling primarily because he is not “HER” and the Hollywood crowd has decided that he is a perfect candidate from the left because unlike “HER” and those other guys he didn’t vote for the Iraq War although he didn’t get the chance since at the time he was an unknown state legislator and he will definitely be the nominee unless “SHE” kneecaps him or the voters come to their senses but we are talking the left wing Dems for the nominating process so bet on the kneecapping scenario.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007
 
Cletus' latest easy reference piece on 2008 Preidential candidates:

He was born into a Navy family, the son of a future Admiral, the grandson of a serving Admiral and after the typical second rate education provided by the U.S. Naval Academy, he became a fighter pilot and was shot down in Vietnam and held prisoner for several years refusing release just because he was the son of the Admiral commanding Pacific Forces and was severely beaten by his captors and upon being released he returned to the U.S. as a hero and married a wealthy brewery heiress after his divorce from his first wife and then he became Senator based on his extensive experience in Government or based on lots of his wife’s money and playing the POW card, take your choice, and once in the Senate he was a little bit involved in the Savings and Loan scandal which is like being a little bit pregnant and because a person who could stand up to being beaten by the Vietnamese could not hold out against political special interest groups, he dedicated his life to removing money from the political process especially money that might work against an incumbent and because he is so pure, in 2000 he decided that he was a really good choice to be President although there is nothing in his background to indicate that he could manage a 7-11 and he became the media’s choice because he was a “maverick” and nothing like those nasty old Republicans who normally get the Party’s call but unfortunately, the nasty right wing Christians of the Party chose someone else and he has had to wait another eight years but he remains a frontrunner for the 2008 nomination and nothing can stand in his way except for maybe the gay loving guy from NY or that cultist from MA or the actor from TN.


Monday, March 19, 2007
 
Cletus says he occasionally reads or hears about some crazy idea is so preposterous that he is saddened that he didn't think of it first. He says that as an aspiring philosopher, it behooves him to think of crazy stuff before the hoi polloi does.

Elroy asked if Cletus was aspiring to be a sheep or cow what with being behooved and all.


 
Cletus says he has started to follow some of the campaigns and will be giving us updates. Here is his first:

Best I can figure, she was transferred ahead in time at birth so she could be named for a famous explorer who was not famous at the time she was born and when her parents had her IQ tested at birth, she had the highest score ever and started writing a column for Parade Magazine using a pen name and then she became a well known Republican working for Goldwater while simultaneously leading major civil rights marches across bridges throughout the United States before going off to an all woman college where she met many famous people and wrote interesting theses about them and then she joined the Marines and was on many missions in North Vietnam as a female Rambo although that may not be totally accurate and after that she went to Yale where she studied the law with a feller who was destined for big things in the political and entertainment worlds and other venues which she hopes were never filmed but isn’t placing any bets and then she moved to the South in order to pad her resume by working mostly pro bono for a law firm in the area of document discover or loss as the case may be and simultaneously became a highly successful commodities trader and married her fellow law student who became governor of a small state and then moved on to greater things when his fellow Democrats decided that Bush the First had the ’92 election locked up and in the White House, she maintained her privacy except when it was advantageous to her to do otherwise and upon the failure of several major conspiracies against her and her husband mostly to do with the public airing of facts, she ran for and was elected Senator of a large population Northern State but even then she has never lost her Southern Roots especially the accent and now she in the leading candidate for the presidential nomination of a major political party except for some upstart from Illinois who doesn’t seem to understand that the nomination is rightfully hers.